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Charity Football Match and Family Fun Day
Southminster & Norton Player Profiles:
Goalkeeper - Mike Edwards. Date of birth 27/04/1986:
Mike started out as a pacey, tricky winger before developing his game to become a gobby, rotund goalkeeper that performs like Petr Cech without the hat. He loves his flip flops even more than his curries & kebabs. One of the founding members of "Shower Club". Can be relied upon to provide fruity shower gels, and David Beckham deodorant.
Famous lookalike - James Corden aka Smithy from BBC 1's Gavin & Stacey.
Defender - Max Mitchell. Date of birth 18/12/1992
Max was once the proud owner of the finest 6 pack in the village of Cold Norton, but after numerous visitis to our sponsors, The Norton Pub, he has lost that physique. Max is one of the worst finishers at the Club following his "attempt" on goal over at Latchingdon. Will rival Andy in this seasons hobbit cup.
Famous lookalike - Froddo.
Defender - Scott Godridge. Date of birth 14/12/1985.
Scotty is known for wearing shorts all year round, come rain or come shine. He has a collection of obscure football shirts which rivals Mike's collection of flip flops. If Scotty doesn't have the shirt, it's not worth having. Scotty is often seen in all of the Chelmsford night spots come the weekend.
Famous lookalike - Ronaldinho.
Defender - Sam Brown. Date of birth 05/04/1989
Sam is a very good defender, when his missus allows him to be. Once again, Sam is a Spurs fan, but don’t hold it against him as I’ve seen him wear a Southend United jumper as well, so he is a good lad really. Brings Premier League experience to the squad, having played there with previous Club Baddow Spartak.
Famous lookalike – Craig Revell Horwood, Strictly Come Dancing judge.
Defender - John Leeder. Date of birth 11/01/1989
John Wilson goes by an alias of John Leeder but he's always a Wilson to us. Terrier like in his play, he is a natural footballer with bags of ability, modelling his game on Southend United legend Che Wilson. Some same as a child he killed a pitbull with his bare hands and teeth - others say this is a rumour. Outside bet as first goalscorer.
Famous lookalike -
Defender - Simon Wilson. Date of birth 08/03/1988
Simon has joined the Club in the summer of 2014. He is a versatile member of the squad, who is able to fill in at centre back, left back and midfield. He will challenge Danny Noble to see who spends the most time on the treatment table. His nickname of Owen Hargreaves fits both his injury record and his versatility.
Famous lookalike – Simon Mignolet
Defender - Jason Iontton. Date of birth 12/12/1991
Jason is a strong, powerful centre half, with a equally strong and powerful collection of swear words which is often on aimed at referees. Jason is the only player to have been sent off running the line. He likes to dish out the banter, but is unable to take it. His best Norton memory is his goal at Marconi Leisure, and the celebration that followed. Oh dear...
Famous lookalike - Titus Bramble.
Defender - Dave Brown. Date of birth 28/08/1988
Dave returns to the Club following an absence of 18 months as he worked in America. Unfortunately, Dave joins a growing group of Spurs fans at the Club. He has great feet for a big lad, and brings a wealth of experience and a dodgy American accent to the Club. Will rival Adam Murphy for the most American player at Norton.
Famous lookalike – Gaffer the Tetley Tea man
Defender - Billy O'Sullivan. Date of birth 26/01/1991
Billy is a centre back, who has signed part time for the Club in the summer of 2014. As well as being a centre back, he claims to be a centre forward as well just like Gary Doherty. Won’t be available for selection most weeks, but will add some much needed height to the Norton backline when available for selection.
Famous lookalike – Gary Doherty
Midfielder - Pete Stephens. Date of birth 06/03/1983
Pete is a central midfielder who joined the Club in the Summer of 2014, following a successful trial. Despite him being a Spurs fan, Pete has settled in well at the Club, and there are rumours that the midfielder will rival Andy Lewis for the most wasted free kicks in a game.
Famous lookalike - Adam Lallana.
Midfielder - Chris Lewis. Date of birth 10/01/1985
Chris is the older brother of striker Andy, and has just recovered from a long term knee injury. Chris loves his warm up, even insisting that no one ever gets injured after one of his warm ups. Can be relied upon for throwing a tantrum, and making us laugh in the Cup Final when he came on.
Famous lookalike - A Lego man
Midfielder - Chris Coombs. Date of birth 15/01/1989
Coombs has been with the Club for a number of years now, and can always be relied on to show us his latest video master class after games. Coombs is a very skilful winger/forward who often leaves the ball behind of falls over his own feet. Coombs is just as skilful on the dance floor as his is on the pitch.
Famous lookalike - Neil Sutherland from The Inbetweeners.
Midfielder - Adam Murphy. Date of birth 03/05/1989
Adam is a USA/Serria Leone international who is switch his running shoes to his soccer cleats this season. Murphy is the only left sided footballer with absolutely no left foot. One of the long serving members of "Deodrant Club".
Famous lookalike - Andy Murray, Scottish tennis player.
Midfielder - Rich Edwards. Date of birth 08/05/1988
Rich is a new member to the squad, following in the footsteps of brothers Mike & Jason. Rich is an all action midfielder, who struggles to hold his alcohol. Rich loves to tandamn bike ride in his spare time.
Famous lookalike - Ian Bell, England cricketer.
Midfielder - Dave Houghton. Date of birth 07/07/1985
Dave "Chav" Houghton is one of the longest serving players at the Club. He can often be seen riding round the ghetto blurring his music out, with his neon lights on show as well. Dave used to be a striker, but like most ex-Norton strikers is working his way backwards, and can be expected to be in goal for the 2016/2017 season. Rumours are circulating about a possible use of fake tan.
Famous lookalike - Phil "Tango" Brown.
Midfielder - Rob Tester. Date of birth 13/02/1985
Rob is Norton's long throw specialist, and only midfielder at the Club who doesn't get to play in midfield. Rob recently displayed his commitment to the Club by having the orange colours at his wedding. Rob is a tough tackling midfielder, with one of the worst red cards in Norton history.
Famous lookalike - Javier Mascherano.
Midfielder - Ross Bellingham. Date of birth 24/07/1993
Ross is another new member to the squad, following a triple swoop on local side Woodham Radars. Ross, like his brother Ash, has extremely questionable taste in music and can often be found attempting the circle line challenge with right back Max Mitchell. Is more spotted at social events rather than games on a Sunday.
Famous lookalike - Adam Sandler.
Forward - Andy Lewis. Date of birth 09/07/1989
Andy is Norton's all time leading goal scorer with 6281637 goals. Unfortunately, Andy celebrated all of these goals with beer & a burger for £5 at the Globe. Andy is also winner of the hobbit cup, outscoring ex-Nortonian and fellow hobbit Matt Hamm.
Famous lookalike - Froddo
Forward - Chris Tuttlebee. Date of birth 01/06/1986
Chris joins the Club from Premier League side Baddow Spartak following their collapse. He is a striker, and also a Southend United fan, so clearly knows a lot about football. Chris has caused Norton defences a number of problems in the past, so Jason Iontton is keen to line up in the same side instead of playing against him. He has fitted in very well after a summer long pursuit of him, and will add more fire power to attack.
Famous lookalike – Jenson Button
Forward - Billy Warner. Date of birth 20/12/1987
Billy is a centre forward, who signed for the Club in the Summer of 2014, following a successful trial. Billy adds height, to a forward line that resembles a scene from Lord of the Rings. Billy won the "Mark Noble Award" at his previous Club Heath Park, for looking the most like Mark Noble, a very prestigious award I'm sure you'll agree.
Famous lookalike - Mark Noble.
Forward - Bill Guppy. Date of birth 12/04/1991
Bill is another new signing for the 2013/2014 season following his move back to Cold Norton. Guppy, who has Turkish roots, is another star of the small screen, having appeared as the star of "Save our boozer" The Norton edition. He is a left winger/centre forward who offers pace, a long throw and an expert knowledge of all things Tottenham Hotspurs. Bill joins a long list of Cold Nortonian's to represent their hometown Club.
Famous lookalike - Any kebab shop worker.
Forward - Duncan Halfhide. Date of birth 29/05/1977
Dunc is another of the long serving members of the squad, but one of the founding members of "Punching Above Your Weight Club". Dunc's receding ginger hair is still a sight to fear for Pope & Smith defenders and has only recently been replaced as Norton's all-time leading goal scorer.
Famous lookalike - Will Young.
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